Teh Suckz Thread

[cirquemom]

I actually think it's the not having someone here that is causing me the most problems. Does that seem weird?

I don't think so. I had my daughter (who was 9 at the time) with me, but technically I was alone. I lost all of our friends because they all seemed to think I should have just forgiven him when they didn't know everything that was going on besides the adultery. Heck, even my own mother thought I should take him back ... Anyway ... Feeling alone and deserted isn't at all unusual. Suddenly all those times when you cherished a few hours to yourself don't seem so wonderful anymore.

It's a grieving process, very similar to a loved one dying - your relationship has died. You feel like part of you is gone. I allowed myself to go through the stages of grief just like I did when my sister passed away. Being consciously aware of the process made it a bit easier somehow.

It will take time. You will hurt - a lot. It will get better.

Exactly. So sorry, wish I lived nearby. Did he take all of his stuff or are you having to deal with that too? I'd just leave it all there if he did.

[Neko Sandy]

*hugs everyone* And thank you for your advice Kirahfaye. I almost wish I could just leave all my stuff, but I know I can't do that. Part of the problem is, to put it nicely, he's a pig. Our apartment is trashed despite my best efforts over the years. Unfortunately, a lot of my stuff is buried back behind just tons of other stuff. I'm literally going to have to go through the whole apartment, his stuff and mine, to get all the things I want taken care of taken care of.

If I was in better physical shape this probably wouldn't be so much of a problem, but I have a long history of breathing and back problems. I started working this morning and spent hours working to clear just one shelf.

How am I going to get through the whole apartment like this?

[Kirahfaye]

How am I going to get through the whole apartment like this?

One shelf at a time, sweetie.

[skookum hime]

How am I going to get through the whole apartment like this?

Its really hard trust me, I am a clutter freak. take your time and write a plan of attack. List what you want to accomplish each day. Make sure its reasonable goals too. Like "Clean out corner of living room on monday and clean out hall closet tuesday" That helps me when I am overwhelmed.
When I get depressed I work extra hard because I know that if I focus on a goal, I can get it done. Just got to put that prize at the end of the line. It helps the grieving stages. I did that after I lost my apartment. I focused on what I wanted and went.

[DollyKim]

Put like things with like things and get rid of unwanted stuff as you go. Even if you're compacting the wanted things in to boxes or containers and stacking those it's a start.

My dolls got their stuff together with colorful storage drawers, the closet has clear tubs so I can see what's inside.

[Neko Sandy]

*more hugs to everyone.* I managed to get a second shelf done, but I'm going to have to stop for now. I'm hacking from all the dust. 4 big bags of garbage and 1 box for Good Will. I think I'm going to try for the closet tomorrow. Hopefully, there will be less dust. More sentimental stuff, but less dust.

[cirquemom]

When I run out of steam and just can't face doing anymore, I will put something I like to watch on TV. Then tell myself, "During the next commercial break I will ____________". Then the commercials come on and I run and do as much as I can in that five minutes. It actually works pretty well. What usually ends up happening is after a few commercial breaks, I get into it, and then finish whatever I was doing.

[takahirokumiko]

KitKat and Neko Sandy: *hugs* What you both are going through is so terrible. Neither of you deserved to have this in your life. I hope that both of your situations will improve significantly soon. *hugs*

[Neko Sandy]

Thanks again to everyone. I'm actually doing a little better now. It seems like a plan of action has taken shape and as someone mentioned, having a goal does really seem to be helping.

Geez, maybe I should be posting this in the good new thread instead?

Gotta have a long talk with him this morning though and I'm not looking forward to it. It needs to be done though because I have gone as far as I can myself doing some of these things.

[DollyKim]

You will not believe how good it will feel to break the hoarding. On reaching his house I was determined not to have anything in the garage, outside of something like seasonal clothing or very large art supplies. We don't have a garage so I have no place outside my room to store stuff. I still have some tubs of stuff, I still have some empty doll boxes I think I'll craft with, but I released a lot of things like trading card games, crafts, and other things I put the GTFO ultimatum on. Making myself scan a lot of the kids books we kept carting around rid us of a lot of stuff too.

What about making a chart to track the small goals as you reach the big one? When you reach the end reward yourself. The dolls got their stuff in order, they got a new organizer shelf to stand on. As it turned out the two of the shelves side by side gave me room to use some boards and make even more shelving to display more dolls