by OkamiKodomo » Thu Feb 02, 2012 6:49 pm
Laaaame.
Well, while my first interview went well, and I have another one with them tomorrow, I had an otherwise lousy day. My second interview of the day went....meh. I doubt I've got a shot with that one. From there, I realized I did a stupid and only had half a bowl of cereal this morning at 9:30, so by the time my second interview was done, at 2:00, I was in full-blown low blood sugar attack. Shaking, cold sweats, weak knees, blurry vision, the works. I didn't bring any money with me to get lunch, like an idiot. So I'm rushing home before I get to the kissing pavement stage, as it's really dangerous to be driving when my blood sugar gets that bad. I didn't even bring sugar pills. WTF was I thinking...? Long story short, I make it home and scarf down some food.
Then, I had to go ask my fiance for money, which I HATE doing, because I needed to get a pair of pants to wear for my next interview, and I don't get paid til tomorrow night. Then, onward to Burlington Coat Factory to get some slacks. Which is another thing I hate. I'm 5'3" and weigh about 220lbs. I'm overweight, I know, but I'm not morbidly obese. I should be about 170lbs for my build, according to the doctor. But nothing makes me feel more like a fat, ugly heifer than going to shop for pants, and finding nothing larger than size 14 on the racks, when I wear an 18. I fit a 16, but they're a little snug, and for delicate fabrics like the stuff dress slacks are made of, I prefer a little more room. Last thing I need is to bend over and hear a mortifying riiiiiip. So I tip-toe over to the plus size section, manage to find an 18, and sneak over to the dressing room, where of course, there are some Skinny Minis trying on little black dresses and swimwear. And then the cashier was also thin. By the time I left, I was ready to cry.
The really lousy part? Just earlier that day, when I gave myself a once-over in the rearview, I thought "Gee, I look pretty today."
In my head, I know the average American woman is between a size 12 and 16, and that clothing retailers are notorious for catering to smaller women. My close friend is roughly the same build and size as I am, and I think she's gorgeously curvy. I look at side-by-sides of "runway" models, with plus size models, and invariably, I think the plus size girls look healthier, prettier, and generally happier. My eye is drawn to their softer curves, and I'm straight. I don't want to look like a runway model, all bones and straight lines. But even knowing all this, even knowing I normally feel pretty comfortable in my own skin, nothing quite kicks me in my self-esteem like clothes shopping.
Too many dollies to list. Check my profile if you wanna know who's who!