A Bad Couple of Days - Update

[Kirahfaye]

My mom, who is 85yo with dementia and ALZ, has been having rectal bleeding and discomfort for several months now. Initially we declined a colonoscopy because of concerns with anesthesia but recently she's had significant pain and other issues so she was scheduled for one today. She went through the week of prep pretty well, even the liquid diet and prep solution yesterday. When the solution started taking effect, well I won't get into the gory details other than she was in significant pain and anxiety, but it became a disaster. It got to the point where we called 911 and she was taken to the hospital. This was around 1:30am. After an exam by the ER doctor and a CT scan it was determined she had a significant mass just inside her rectum. The colonoscopy was moved to the hospital and her GI specialist took a biopsy. She showed me the photos and said that regardless of the biopsy results we are going to have 3 options. 1) surgery because it is cancerous, 2) surgery because it continues to prolapse outside her rectum and can become cancerous, or 3) do nothing.

If you aren't familiar with dementia, as I wasn't a year or so ago, you probably don't know that anesthesia is the absolute worst thing you can put someone with dementia through. It was after my mom's cataract surgery that she was first diagnosed with dementia. Prior to that, it was normal memory loss due to her age. That's how much of a notable difference anesthesia made. I do not think that I can accept the almost certain risks that a significant surgery will cause.

I had 2 hours of sleep last night - or rather this morning and a couple more this afternoon.

Can I tell you all how hellacious dementia is? It doesn't just reduce a person's cognitive abilities, it takes away Who that person is. So much of my mom is already gone. She's declined in just the past couple of months. One of my husband's family members had a birthday party in November. She remembered everyone and had a good time. We had a family dinner on New Year's Day and she was in tears half the way there because she didn't remember any of them. She introduced herself to people she's known for 3 years. Thankfully she still enjoyed herself. But when will she forget the name of her best friend? Or my daughter? Or me?

I hate this.

[kenaiqueen]

I am so sorry you are going thru all this. I can't even imagine how I would feel/cope. I'll keep both of you in my thoughts and prayers.

[DollyKim]

~hugs~

[maywong]

Big hugs. I went though something like this with my mom too.

[victoriavictrix]

*hugs*

[SetsunaKou]

Oh Kirahfaye-san!! :hugs deeply: I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. Please know that we're all pulling for you here and you and your mom---you'll both be in my prayers.

God keep you and give you the strength to get through this. :hugs again:

[Kattriella]

My great grandfather had dementia near the end of his life. It was horrible watching a man who had been so independent, the man who taught me to play cards, the man who took me to pick mushrooms when I was a little girl becauss they were his wife's favorite and I loved to tag along, the man who taught me how to put wood into an old fashioned wood stove without burning myself, turn into a shell of his old self, especially when he stopped recognizing me and forgot he had great-grandchildren.

Dementia is a horrible thing to witness, especially when you know all you can do is sit there and twiddle your thumbs becauss there's nothing you can actually do to make it better.

I won't say I hope things get better, because anyone who has delt with someone with dementia knows it just doesn't get better, but I will say I hope you and your mother have some much deserved peace, and that you make it through this difficult time as smoothly as possible. Just don't forget, sometimes you need to take care of yourself, too.

[Iwa_Hoshi]

*hugs

[Kirahfaye]

The good news is my mom doesn't have cancer. The bad news is she has a polyp about the size of a curled up index finger just inside her rectum. We have a follow up appt with the specialist in 2 weeks and he'll discuss surgery. I am not pleased with that, but perhaps he can somehow assure me enough that there will be no affect from anesthesia.

[Den]

Here's hoping things go super smoothly and your mom has a swift recovery. And thank the stars that it's not cancer. Fuck cancer, and fuck dementia. *offers hugs and cookies*