Dollieh Sanctuary

Well, things could have been better for me, but things went sour. I guess it can only get better from here. Now I don't usually share my problems with other people outside my family. But right now I need to share how I feel with anyone who will listen. My family keeps getting an ear full, so I'm going to share here, if no one minds.

Well first off a month or two ago, my brother in law was in a bad car accident thankfully he wasn't hurt too bad, just minor cuts and bruises.

Second, on May 2 I ended my 2 year courtship with my boy friend. I was left with no choice. We had been best friends since I was 11 (I think I was 11) anyway 2 years ago I realized I felt different about him. So I wrote him a letter and a poem of how I felt and gave it to him. I was afraid he didn't feel the same but I wanted him to know anyway even if he didn't want to be friends anymore because of how I felt. (that's what I was afraid of) He wrote me a letter back telling me he felt the same, and we stared courting. The poem I wrote him is no longer personal to me so I'll share it. (I still have a copy of it ) I wrote it 3 years after my sisters wedding. I was one of her bridesmaids. Here is the poem:

I was afraid to dance.
I was afraid to take that chance.
I was afraid of feelings that could bloom,
Feelings that might cause doom,
To a friendship oh so dear,
For this was my greatest fear.
Now I must say I sorry.
I'm sorry for the dance we never shared.
I'm sorry for the fact that I was scared.
I'm sorry for the words I left unspoken.
Now it feels as if my heart is broken.
You may not know,
Or you may have knew,
All this time,
That I Love You.

After we started courting, at first everything seemed fine, but he changed, he started degrating my figures (he has figures too!) and degrating and complaining about my job. I can't work outside of my home, so my hair rooting and clothing making is my only source of income. (thankfully since I live with my parents I don't have many bills) He obviously doesn't want me to work. I never once said anything negative about his figures or his "job", I always tried to support him. Isn't that what people who are planing to marry do? Be positive and give support? I did that for him so why couldn't he return it to me? He was so negative to my work (which is my figures) that he even complained when I would put my money back into my work. I tried to help him with his negative attitude but that was all in vain. He was sucking all the joy out of my life, out of everything I that made me happy, so I did the last thing I had left to do, I ended the courtship, but not the friendship. Thou with how his is acting now, he don't even want to be my friend anymore. I know this because yesterday as soon as he saw me he ran like I had the plague. oh well. I even had told him that I wanted my friend back, the one I had before we had started dating. But I know that friend is gone for good.

Because of what I had to do I wrote 2 more poems. I'll share them here too. I haven't shared them with him and I don't think I will. Usually I title my poems, but the one I first gave him didn't have a title and one of the new ones don't have a title either. Here are my new poems:

I walked away, tired and worn.
From pain, all twisted and sworn.
What I was in was suppost to be warm.
But cold it was, and heartache it born.
From joy and happiness I was torn.
My soul burned from pain and wanted to skorn,
The one that turned that place from warm,
To a cold prison with heartache it born.
So out of love I go away tired and worn,
So the one that put me there I will not skorn.
I leave the place that was not warm,
And return to the happiness from which I was torn.
Never again my joy will be taken, this I've sworn.
LOVE is suppost to be happy and warm.
So I'll be just as I start, from when I was born,
With family, alone, happy and warm.


Title: I say goodbye
I took a chance on LOVE with another.
With a friend, a spiritual brother.
I say goodbye.
Everything seemed fine at first.
But over time it steadily got worse.
I say goodbye.
For a time with him joy I had,
But he decided the joy go bad.
His attitude soured, how sad.
I say goodbye.
My mind weighed down to the point of breaking,
With heavy heart and tears no longer left to cry,
I say goodbye.
I've done all I can do, it's true!
No longer can I say I Love You.
I say goodbye.


Well it's sad that it had to come to this. But I won't allow someone to take my joy away from me. Even if they are suppost to be my friend. As my father says: "Never give your power to anyone".

:hug: Oh, I'm so sorry Natasha-san!!!! I feel so badly for you!!!! :hug again: And during your birthday week, too!!!!

It's terrible how often, others look down on other people's hobbies and passions! I'm sure you did the right thing and like you said, it can only get better. ^^

:hug: Please know you'll be in my prayers and thoughts!!

God bless,

Your friend,
Setsuna

PS Your poetry is truly lovely. ^^

i know how you feel. My ex boyfriend didnt support me in my hobbies either. So I told him I'd dump him and get a doll that would love me more than he ever would. :3Its about being happy and feeling good about yourself.

You made the right decision. Someone you are thinking of partnering with needs to be supportive, not negative, of your endeavors, whatever they are. If they're not, they're no partner, and you are better off on your own. (Yep, been there, done that, walked away from that.)

::hugs:: Hope things start to pick up for you soon (but it's okay if you feel down for a while, too. Sometimes it takes a while to get your bounce back.)

Big hug from me to you. I agree with JanetT. You need somebody who is going to be supportive and not negative. Especially if you were planning on get married.

It sounds like this guy was your first love, and losing your first love is always going to be the hardest. But I will be honest with you, your first love is rarely the love that will last.

You made the right decision, a hard one, but you will be happier in the end. I married my first love and it didn't work out. When you find the right person, he'll love you and all you do, show you respect and support you, encourage your talents and be your number one fan! Don't accept anything less because you're incredibly valuable and deserve the very best. Sending heaps of hugs and a slap on the back for making an important decision. Well done.

*hugs*

:hugs: Things will get better for you. Do take care

Thanks everyone. Its comforting to know that others are so supportive for me right now, outside my family that is. I thank you all and send a big hug to all of you.

Thank you all.