...
day 1
...
day 2
...
day 3
...
Delivery!
"Hmm."
"Now what."
Foster's eyes lit up. "Ooh, so soft, such fine leather. From which realm did these pants come?"
"Saint Laurent. They're from Italy."
"They're not for you," Ivan said. "They're mine. Use your magic and make them bigger."
"No way, send them back and get a different pair."
"Fine. Hands off, then. You'll get fairy dust all over them anyway."
"You're the one flaking dead skin everywhere. It's gross."
Ivan said, "I will just ask Jillian how to send them back to the Amazon for a proper size. SHE knows how to do things, you know, unlike you who can't seem to use your magic anymore."
"I didn't want them anyway," Foster said. "Stupid pants like those are for peasants. Only a moron would wear something so atrocious."
So nice... 
"Blessed Oracle, they're perfect."
"Ooh, I look like one of those troubled, drug-addled rocker types."
"His career in the drain, record sales plummeting..."
"The addiction has taken hold... what of his once precious music! his fans have left him in shame and scorn... so alone."
"In desperation he's off to rehab, just needs one more chance..."
"Mustn't give in... "
Ivan gasped. "My pants! What are you doing?"
"Shush you, I'm about to stage my fabulous come back with a hit single and a VH1 bio spot. Don't ruin it."
"I have to send those back!"
"But wait, his meteoric rise to fame is nigh! Will he survive the media scrutiny? Will he endure?"
"You've lost your mind."
"Take my pants, I'll take yours."
The vampire rubbed the fairy's breeches over his skin, taunting him that he'd smell of undead vampire flesh forever.
"AHA! Take that."
"You... just..."
"What do you say now sparkle-butt?"
"You..."
"stuffed..."
"You stuffed... my shorts... "
"There."
Ivan said. "You infected my pants with sparkly fairy ass. I can't return them if they're damaged goods."
"You stuffed my shorts down your pants."
"I win."
"YOU STUFFED MY SHORTS DOWN YOUR PANTS!"
"You seem upset," Ivan said. "Want them back?"
"NO!"
"Oh... now I feel just awful. Take them. Take them back." He wiggled the shorts.
Foster let out the most horrified of screams as Ivan pounced on him and attempted to stuff the shorts in his face.
