by nancyskitties » Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:05 pm
Yeah, that's the problem: my Mother cursed me, that my life should always be 'interesting'. I wasn't old enough to know at the time what a terrible thing that is to wish on anyone.
Physically, I'm not sure how to report. On the one hand, I've lost enough weight I didn't even need to unfasten my corduroy jeans when I went to the Ladies'; nor have I had any good nervous breakdowns recently, or even weepy spells - but then I have traded those in for this extremely sharp burning pain in the side of one leg, which has become a medical mystery unrevealed by hand-, sonar-, or cat-scan. A small sort of string of small hard lumps can be felt along the worst line of source, but ... nothing shows. Phlebitis, the Vascular Midiot says. Great. Yes, I know the red is cellulitis; I also know it indicates infection, dammit. You went to med school 25 years to tell me THAT? If it ain't one thing it's another. Oh - & here I've been anticipating my new knee in early April. Except they won't do it if the Lymphedema (which is irreversible) isn't neutralized, nor will they do it at all if I'm even suspected of still harboring phlebitis or cellulitis. Well, I'm not spending my life in a wheelchair: if they can't come up with better than that, then I'll take my leg somewhere else & have 'em chop it off! At least with a prosthesis if someone steps on my toe it won't hurt, but if I step on theirs, they'll know it, heh heh heh.
Ah, me. The worst part is I've gotten used to being home sleeping in - as late as 7 some mornings - & wandering leisurely through the days, this past week or so. Would I could retire. Can't get Soc. Security Disability retirement because I can still haul my butt to work & sit at a computer all day, even tho sitting with my leg down just makes the edema/phlebitis/Dutch Elm Disease worse. If I had the leave, I could just take my leave & as long as I didn't go to work, I could technically still be on the payroll getting a regular paycheck, yet be 'unemployed', and as soon as I'm 'unemployed' for 6 months - TA-DA! I qualify. There's something wrong with the Soc. Sec. system that almost requires you to commit fraud to qualify, when you have 6 or 7 specialist MDs all more than willing to testify you really should be retired, but the rules require that as long as you can be set upright at a keyboard, you're OK & not eligible; while someone else has a sore thumb, but THEY qualify, somehow.
My dolls are so mad at me. The Gurlz haven't had a single new outfit all year (sweaters don't count, & JanetT has to teach me to take a decent photo closeup first). Bella hasn't spoken to me for weeks, & even Ollie is nose-out-of-joint. The guys, bless them, don't care. As long as they can watch the TV. I keep trying for inspiration, from my art books, my fabrics ... but all I end up doing is being inspired to put things in order. This past weekend I cleared out & rearranged my pantry, right down to alphabetizing my spice jars, soup cans, & so on. Is this anal, or what?