Dolly Guilt/Shame...have any of you felt this??

[Tealove]

You guys are making me feel so much better! Honestly, I don't think my family says those things to hurt my feelings. Nor do they want to. It's just odd to them that I would spend so much on things that don't seem to serve a purpose. And the worst part is I have no explanation myself.

[Kirahfaye]

There's no rule that everything we do has to serve a purpose - or even make sense to other people!

[Siead]

everyone has things they like that don't serve purposes. one of my biggest doll critics is also the person in my family that collects plushies.
we all have things we geek out on.

[ShortNCuddlyAm]

You guys are making me feel so much better! Honestly, I don't think my family says those things to hurt my feelings. Nor do they want to. It's just odd to them that I would spend so much on things that don't seem to serve a purpose. And the worst part is I have no explanation myself.

They make you happy? Then they serve a purpose. They inspire creativity? They serve a purpose. They look decorative? You get the drift

Some of the yeti's family know about some of them - the Makies, which they seem OK with. My family don't know about either mine or the yeti's dolls, mostly because I choose not to talk about most of my hobbies with them any more - nothing to do with shame or guilt, simply that we don't have that much in common.

I have felt a bit embarrassed and silly, especially when I first started collecting; and I have felt a sort-of low-level guilt as to whether I should be spending the money on dolls or putting aside for something else. Then I remember that my most expensive doll (*) is a Doll Chateau Bella, and that I've mostly bought the dolls I have over a period of time, and it goes again.

(* Although if I take size into it, my Realpuki is probably the most expensive per cm of resin)

[OkamiKodomo]

My mother makes me feel guilty sometimes without meaning to, but she tends to do that with most things in my life. Which is really hurtful when I think of what the blowout will be when I come out to her. All of my past relationships with guys have made her lose her mind. She's a hardcore bible-thumping right winger. I know some delightful Christian people, but my mom is the sort that gives them a bad name. Anyway, she spends ridiculous amounts of money on clothes, shoes, make-up, skin-care products, all sorts of vanity items... and tries to tell me those are the things I should be spending extra money on. I own three pairs each of steel-toed boots, sneakers and slip-ons.... and one pair of heels. I own four handbags, all of which she bought for me, and none of which I use. I have a case full of make-up, but I only use it for costumes and cosplays. When I spent two weeks sewing a costume for a convention that came out STUNNINGLY beautiful and got me soooo many compliments and requests for pictures, she said she worried about me spending all my time in a fantasy world. When I let slip how much my least expensive doll cost, she gasped, frowned, shook her head and made this noise of disapproval she has made since I was a child. She said she worried I was pissing my money away. Yes, when I bought my first doll, I was unemployed and had to save for four months on unemployment in order to afford a blank ResinSoul Jun. But I was in a major funk, depressed, struggling with my relationship, and he made me so happy. I could have been saving every cent I made for something else, such as a car. But at the time, a car was just not feasible, and a doll was just maybe within reach.

She has always made me feel guilty for spending my money, no matter what it was on, if it was not something she herself would have bought. I've learned to accept this. She's finally starting to come around a bit, and when she asked what I wanted for Christmas, and I jokingly said doll money, she took me seriously and asked if $100 would be enough. I wouldn't dare ask for more, but I did have to smile to myself a bit. And besides, it's enough for what I want, which is a DZ Leslie head.

[MeltedCaramel]

embyquinn, I can totally relate to your post. And yep, it's totally playing with dolls. We all know full well what we're doing. We can pretty it up with names like "customizing" and "collector's items" but it all boils down to the fact that they're dolls, and we like 'em! I'm a "twenty-something" and I've never gotten my age group's obsessions, going all the way back to middle school. I didn't get the whole social hierarchy shark infested waters that was high school, or the obsession with drinking and gambling and partying during my early twenties. Now at 25 I still find art and creative outlets are what make me happy, no matter what anyone else may feel about it. To me, doll collecting and to an extent, customizing, are an extension of my art and a creative outlet.

Kirahfaye, first off, birds rock. Second, that's very true. Anyone who doesn't share your particular interest is likely to give you the stink-eye, no matter how expensive or inexpensive the hobby is. I've been told some of my action figures were too inexpensive and that I shouldn't be spending that money on "that cheap crap". *Sigh* There's no pleasing some people!

Dollykim, SetsunaKou answered your question in part, but let me explain it a bit more in depth. Doujinshi are a bit more refined than your average American comic book. (And I say this as a lover of both mediums, so don't yell at me if you love comic books fellow members, I love them too!) They're, for the most part, printed and bound nicely, and some circles (this is what they call the person(s) who make the book, a lot of times even if it's just one person creating the books they'll still have a "circle" name along with their regular name--I see SetsunaKou gave a brief explanation on this as well. ^^;; Woops, sorry!) go above and beyond and give out mini-posters, pull out colour inserts, postcards, bookmarks, stickers, all sorts of things that come with their books. I don't indiscriminately buy every doujinshi I see for the couples I collect for in my chosen fandom (if I did I'd literally be spending enough to buy a HOUSE and still not have nearly everything!). I have done some indiscriminate buying in the past though due to a combination of ignorance and not knowing Japanese, which is a HUGE hindrance when ordering from one of the cheaper sites, which is only in Japanese. The older stuff is what I want to get rid of. Now I try and only buy from circles I KNOW I'll love.

No, my "diet" needs to be more the little "tchotchkes" or baubles that I see randomly and just decide I MUST have them, and then they sit somewhere in a drawer, ignored.

The "dolly diet" is hard to apply to things like books and doujinshi, which by their very nature HAVE to be stored to protect them for yourself as well as for resell value should you choose to resell them at any point. But that old thingamabob shoved in the back of a drawer that hasn't seen the light for ten years? Yeah, that can probably go. XD

SetsunaKou I understand the feeling of wanting to hold onto a doujinshi...if you look at it and you still feel you want it, to me that's a sign you're not ready to let go yet. If you look at one and it doesn't stir anything in you besides "it's taking up space", then it's a pretty safe bet you can get rid of it!! I didn't know you collected doujinshi as well SetsunaKou! How big is your collection?

Alopecia no Hime...Aww, I really feel for you and your situation. My own family has their share of mental illnesses that need moderated by medication, and I know some of my mother's disapproval and remarks come from her own sense of being overwhelmed by the house being messy, the state of everyone's health, etc, and she'll just decide that it's my stuff that would stop all her problems. Then she'll apologize later but I still know how the initial comment doesn't really go away and still hurts you, even if you're okay again with whoever is naysaying you. But I'm glad to hear your mother's drastic turnaround!!! And I'm so glad you had the courage to sit down and explain to her how you were really hurting because of what she said. That takes courage.

Tealove....Aww, sweetie, they MORE than serve a purpose!! They make you happy right? Think about it for a second. Does buying a glass unicorn figurine and putting it in a curio cabinet serve a "purpose"? It might not be functional like a guitar and lessons, or serve a logical function like a microwave or new washing machine, but no hobby really serves a "purpose" besides making you happy!!! That's the most important thing. You're not hurting anybody and it's a completely harmless activity. The next time someone asks what purpose it serves, tell them that they make you happy and that is all the purpose they need to serve. It's your money, your hobby, and your happiness. THAT is the purpose they serve. I can tell how much you love your Maddie doll just from the little bit you've talked about her. That happiness is the purpose. People can't live any sort of meaningful life without happiness in it. And besides, you know what they say about all work and no play!

So find a purpose in your happiness and joy the dollies give you. *Hugs*

Kirahfaye, I second this!!

Siead, wow, talk about a double standard!! I happen to have both and love 'em all!! At least you have some good ammo to fire back at with though if you get into it with them.

ShortNCuddlyAm I think we all have some form of low-level guilt about the finance aspect of it, because no matter how you cut it, this is an expensive hobby. But then your new dolly outfit arrives in the mail and that guilt seems to just fly out the window as you rip into the packaging! XDDD

OkamiKodomo....Oh, sweetheart, can I just take you home and hug you until your eyes bulge out of their sockets? First off, no matter what your mother says or does, your sexuality is not something you can control. You know what, I'm PMing you, I hope you don't mind. But the last part of your post gives me a bit of hope. <3 Stay strong.

[DollyKim]

I had a couple of years where my love of tiny objects collided with the dolls, the hard rule for that is if it doesn't fit the dollhouse gang I don't get it, only art supplies are excluded because I'm an artist. It's been hard but I've stuck to it.

Book wise I introduce anything with resale value to the scanner.

[MeltedCaramel]

Ohhh, but Dollykim, nothing ever compares to holding a real book in your hands. ^_~ Scanned books just aren't the same. Take it from someone who collects doujinshi, which have the sub-hobby called "Scanlations". These are when people scan and clean a book and translate it to English for English viewers. Even when seeing it on the computer screen, if I love a book, I've got to have hardcopy. Plus doujinshi is a bit of a delicate subject (not gonna start a debate on which side is right or wrong) for some fans who believe you "support the artist at all costs" despite the fact that doujinshi is technically illegal in Japan and only allowed to exist because the artists don't make a profit from it. They're only legally allowed to charge for materials and (sometimes) convention circuit fees. I just happen to like to own a nice book.

Tiny baubles are hard to resist, aren't they? <_< I've stopped buying all the little stupid things like "Oh that lipgloss at the drug store that costs $10 but I just HAVE to have it" type stuff. I evaluate and make sure I really want it.

[ShortNCuddlyAm]

MeltedCaramel - at the point I realised most people didn't have bookshelves on the dining room table, I started buying almost all of my new books as ebooks, and slowly replaced some of the the physical ones with ebooks, too.

And I mostly prefer ebooks now - the reader is easier to hold than a bulky book, and easier to hold and read one handed than almost any book (which is useful during the evening commute home). Plus I can carry around the book I'm reading, the book I'm going to read next, plus a few hundred others, plus comics and magazines; on a device that doesn't take up much space in my bag or weigh that much.

I understand the attachment to physical books though. I have a few that I love as objects in their own right as well as for what they are as books. And as far as art goes I'm still thoroughly wedded to physical mediums.

We still have bookshelves on the dining room table though.

[MeltedCaramel]

ShortNCuddlyAm, haha, dining room table bookshelves. Mine are more like "every available space you'll find a book"-shelves. I also have an e-reader, but mostly for the fact that the market is skewed towards e-books now. What used to be a mark of a "cheap author" has now become the standard medium, and many authors don't even bother with print runs anymore!!

I admit, I enjoy the portability and library-in-a-box type feeling of my e-reader (I have an old, black and white version though because I'm not exactly rolling in the dough. XD;; ).

Still, with art, like you, I'm very physical and hands on.