communication in the social media age

[MeltedCaramel]

Oh, this topic. Yes. This whole thing.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Full disclosure, I'm in my mid 20's. This means I should be on the cusp of social media and whatnot. The thing is, my family has always been about five years "behind" due to money issues. So when everyone was raving about DSL being the most awesomest thing to ever awesome? I had a 56k modem. When everyone started flailing about cable internet? It took me another five years to upgrade to DSL, only doing it when maintaining my 56k modem literally became more expensive than throwing my money at the DSL company. Facebook? Just got one the other day to talk to ONE FRIEND. I don't text. I don't tweet. I barely tumblr.

The thing is?

I'm not a technophobe. I love circlejerking about the newest technology as much as the next geek. I love the advances in technology and the sheer amount of things that are becoming possible. I love it! But as someone who, not by choice but by circumstance grew up behind the curve and is stuck in that mindset? I think asking others to conform to something is ridiculous. If my family attempted to contact me online only to see me at engagements or gauge my well-being they would never, ever hear from me (as opposed to my gloriously spotty communication as of now! ). Having someone just expect me to see something would feel a little insulting on a personal level.

I don't know, my two cents for the day?

[quidam]

Okay, slightly sorry for bringing up an old thread, but I'm annoyed again right now.

I had a friend who wants to get together to do dolly related stuff. Yay! but, he wanted to meet at another friend's house when they have their weekly "open gaming" night. All good and fine, but I was never technically invited to it. While I haven't been as big on gaming in recent years, I was still a little hurt as I would come over on occasion when it was held somewhere else as it was the only time I could see people from that group. And the person running it was one of my closest friends at one point in time, so here I am thinking that maybe she just didn't want me around any more. I had actually been wondering if I offended her in some way.

So my friend who wants to get together asks if it is okay that I join them. And??? Sure they'd be more than happy to have me down! They had put the invite out on Facebook and since I'm not on FB I didn't see it. Come on down!!!

*bangs head against desk repeatedly*

So really...the only way I can get invited to stuff is by going on FB again. This shouldn't be the only way to keep up relationships with people. Here I am thinking I've offended her in some way, and all it comes down to is stupid Facebook is the only way to communicate with her nowadays.

The reason I left FB all those years ago? I stopped liking people as much when I saw too much of their lives. I prefer to like people. Plus I was always worrying that I'd make someone mad with something I posted or liked. But now that I've been off of it, I assume that Ive offended people because I never hear from them otherwise. And they apparently assume that I just don't want to be apart of their lives.

Plus I seem to be running into more and more things where people who run a blogs will post things that you can only see on FB.

Really, I can't win....

So I'm now contemplating making another stupid account later tonight, just to make people happy.

Keeping friendships shouldn't be this complicated.

And I'll stop the ranting for the moment.

[Trethowan]

Yes yes yes yes yes, one thousand times yes.

I agree with everything you posted, Quidam. Especially the part about liking people less when we see too much of their lives. Guh, I get it, you love/hate the left/right, I don't really care anymore.

The fact that we seem to cease to exist as soon as FB is out of the picture pretty much tells me the relationship wasn't that strong to begin with. Friendships take work. If someone isn't willing to go beyond a keyboard, then how much did we really mean to them?

[quidam]

Thank you.
I've calmed down a bit. And, yes, I'm going to give in and make a generic account tonight.
Maybe I'll start posting all of my actual opinions: religious, political and otherwise, every single day. Multiple times a day. I'll make all of those who wanted me back on regret it.

Okay, no I'll be nice. Because I'd prefer people not know what I'm thinking. I'd prefer to lose friends by them slowly drifting away than because they suddenly found out what I really believe.

The fact that we seem to cease to exist as soon as FB is out of the picture pretty much tells me the relationship wasn't that strong to begin with. Friendships take work. If someone isn't willing to go beyond a keyboard, then how much did we really mean to them?

100% agree, but I still feel a twinge of loyalty.
In this specific case, it's mostly gone, but there was a time in the past when that happened and it revived. I do still like all of these people, but really long for the days when people were just friends without the internet having to be constantly attached.

[Trethowan]

I have friends from all over the spectrum, both political and religious, we all know we view things differently, that doesn't really end any relationships. But then we don't sit around and debate that stuff, either. There are other commonalities that bring us together. But the thing is, we talk outside of FB. We phone, email, text, and when we do get together we actually have something to talk about.

Used to, I'd see someone and ask what was up, but it was just a recap of status updates. Seriously. FB could even be seen as a conversation killer.

[kenaiqueen]

Okay, no I'll be nice. Because I'd prefer people not know what I'm thinking. I'd prefer to lose friends by them slowly drifting away than because they suddenly found out what I really believe.

Just post pictures of what you are eating. They'll never know that you aren't really sharing that much.

[quidam]

Just post pictures of what you are eating. They'll never know that you aren't really sharing that much.

Ha! My friends won't understand why they are suddenly hungry all the time!

I did join back on the other day. Oh, look, there is that open invitation for visiting people.
Now I just need to control the desire to like all the things!!!!!! It'll die down soon, I'm sure.

[Trethowan]

Just post pictures of what you are eating. They'll never know that you aren't really sharing that much.

Ha! My friends won't understand why they are suddenly hungry all the time!

I did join back on the other day. Oh, look, there is that open invitation for visiting people.
Now I just need to control the desire to like all the things!!!!!! It'll die down soon, I'm sure.

LIKE

[OkamiKodomo]

Since this thread got necro'd a bit, I thought it was ok for me to add my worthless two cents. Since I now work in the digital communication field, I've seen a lot of the ugly side of people.

I went almost a full year without a phone when our Verizon service got shut off. If someone needed to get in touch with me, they HAD to do it through facebook, because I was a stickler about giving out my email address and screen names. No joke, I had people prank me by signing me up for spam and dating sites. To this day, I occasionally get messages from bots on these sites. I used to get full blown email rants from my mother asking why I didn't have a phone. Now I get voicemails and texts from her bitching that I blocked her from my facebook wall.

I do still have my facebook account. I have it set up so if I get a notification if someone sends me a message or links me directly in things (because then I know it's something that they specifically want me to see, since the only way for it to pop up on my phone is if they specifically write my name in it) but otherwise, I only keep it open because there are still some people whose only way to reach me is via facebook.

I don't go out of my way to insert myself in the lives of others. If someone wants contact with me, they can seek me out. I know I sound like a bitch when I say this, but I can't think of any other way to say it. I don't much care for people in general. Not in the "what has happened to humanity" way, but in the "interacting with people is draining and tiresome and frustrating" way. Most of my closest friends know it is nothing personal if I shut myself into my introverted bubble and work on crafts, rather than whatever fad activity of the day is. And the ones that are offended that I don't want to be bothered aren't my good friends.

Working in the cellphone industry, I have seen people, full grown adults throw genuine temper tantrums because they have to go a whopping two hours without their mobile device. And gods f%#$&ing help you if you tell them it will be three whole days before their replacement device comes in. I have had more old ladies than I care to count come in and yell at me that their Facebook isn't working on their phone. Some woman called the store about to lose her mind because her phone wasn't displaying her own facebook account but a brand new one, and when I told her to log in with her email instead of her phone number, it worked. She then went on to tell me that I just "talked her down from a ledge" by getting her facebook working.

The mentality behind the whole "the invite was there for you to see" is the same self-entitlement that makes the folks coming in with phone problems act like they're entitled to a brand new phone just because they broke something on theirs. The world revolves around them. When someone says "I can't go an hour without my phone, I need my phone." part of me wants to say "You and everybody else. Every phone we see is the most important phone in the world." There is also another part of me that wants to go "What did you do before cellphones were the norm? It hasn't been that long, they've only been mainstream for the last ten years or so."

[Trethowan]

It's an epidemic of Self. We put ourselves on the thrones of our own hearts and then everything exists to serve Self. We become the nexus of our realities. We're black holes of WANT. We want and we want NOW. We do what we do because we want what we want. We mow down whatever comes between Self and Want. Facebook becomes a fan to the flames of self adoration. Likes become needs. I need attention. I need it now. I need it because I want it. Me me me me me... fix my phone, adore my pictures, make me feel validated and secure cause I've got nothing inside. Blerg. Go save a whale or feed a starving child or something that matters.