My Sister has become a Doll Snob

[WhiteDove01s]

Doll snobbery, or even just the related general snubbing of someone else's interests and not realizing it can hurt their feelings, is sad. I try not to do it, but my interests tend to be rather limited to stuff that interests me (one of the reasons me and my gran both suspected Aspergers, I remain undiagnosed tho for multiple reasons), so I actually take note and try to make an effort at it even with people I don't particularly like. (It's a lot easier with people I DO like, because then I like when they're happy even if it's because of something that wouldn't make me happy.) I live with someone whose main interests seem to be boxes of junk jewelry won in auctions and clothes off Swap.com. I have so little interest in either that I never wear the first (though I have a few pieces I like to look at) and have worn the same various-colored sweatpants-and-henley-nightgown ensemble every day for years. It takes effort for me to be interested when they get something new, but even though I have a difficult and complicated history where the Evil Overlord is concerned, I try to put in the effort to find something nice to say about one piece or often the colors or patterns on the fabrics (since that's something that does interest me for art reasons.) But for most people I can still be happy if they're happy about a doll (or something else), even if it is a kind of doll I don't like myself. Even if I think the doll looks "weird" or "bobble-headed" (my initial thoughts on MH/EAH, though a few managed to grow on me once I found a niche for them for OOAKing projects, and I have two I really love just the way they are, a ginger kitty and a green witch (Meritamen doesn't count there because she's OOAKed). I still understand that the other person likes it and that is what makes them happy. I've bought some dolls in my time that I know look wonky to others, but I could see what they could be to fit a concept in my head. The world is different for everyone, especially in terms of what calls to you on an emotional or artistic level. Anyhow, I'm rambling off again, which I tend to do. If the internet here could handle the bandwith I'd suggest some kind of doll video chats (I tried a video chat once, constant freezes, but it was neat otherwise). I know for a lot of people it's not as good as physically in person (for me it's actually better), but I think it would be a good way to show and share dolls for some people. Maybe it's an idea someone else can do something with.

Makes me wonder if she has been trying to get into the "Kewl Kidz Klub" of Resin Snobs and has gotten the cold shoulder and is taking it out on you.

That wouldn't surprise me. People get really strange when they get influenced by that whole pack mentality thing that I've never really managed to (or really wanted to) grasp. The closest I've ever done is "this one person is nice and fun to talk to, I hope we can be friends". I've never done the "this group is kewl so I want to suppress everything about myself that isn't like them so that I can apply some 'I am part of this group' label to myself". But I remember seeing that kind of behavior, including one particulatly painful lesson in it in middle school. People can be bloody insane (from my perspective) when they get like that.

But definitely never take an apology with an excuse, that's something manipulators do. She's either sorry or she's not.

I think I agree there, though with a habit of having different definition for 'excuse'. With my family the way it was, I always had layers of definitions there. Genuine apology, fake apology, excuses, and explanations. For me an excuse is understandable when paired with a sincere apology, an explanation isn't. It goes something like this: "Well, /sorry/, but I had a headache so I yelled ay you because you were there and yelling made me feel better." This is a fake apology, usually with a tone on the 'sorry' that really means that what they are really 'sorry' about is that, from their perspective, you are being 'annoying' and 'whining' about being unreasonably yelled at. The reason they give for their behavior does nothing to actually excuse what they did. There are things like Dammit Dolls or just yelling at walls. Yelling makes you feel better is an explanation, but not an excuse, for yelling at a person. Sometimes there's a sincere apology with an explanation, but only when it is a rare occurrence and the person knows their reasoning was wrong. Something like "I'm really sorry I yelled at you. I had an absolutely horrible day, but that doesn't justify taking it out on you." They acknowledge that the explanation does not make what they did right, that what they did was wrong and is something they are aware of as a mistake and will actually try not to do in the future, (If they keep doing it, the apology was never real in the first place and they're just a good liar. Beasically, like you said, a manipulator.) For me an 'excuse' is influenced by the idea of a 'doctor's excuse' to get out of school and the like. An excuse rather than an explanation shows some reason the person either couldn't help or has a lot of trouble with that particular behavior, especially true in cases of underlying medical or psychological condition. "I'm sorry I touched your freshly painted wall and smudged it. I didn't hear you about the paint being wet. I've had an ear infection recently and think it might have affected my hearing." This is a valid reason that excuses the person from most of the culpability for this and shows that even if they try they might not be able to help whatever happened from recurring, and that it might require support and understanding from others to make associating with them work. One online friend I've done RP with is nonneurotypical and had been kicked off of RP forums because she's a horror fan and doesn't always know where other people's squick-lines are when it comes to describing things like carnage or cannibalistic monsters or so on. She tries, but it's very difficult for her. She let me know this right from the start, and I understood it would be on me to be aware of my own limits and basically let her know if she got too close to them. We never had any problems. That said, I've gone off on a tangent (which is one of my own bad habits I haven't been able to curb. My mind needs to be on a leash or something, wanders off all the time.) But, yeah, people are either really sorry, or they're not. And you have to watch out for the latter, especially when it's a not-sorry that's a 'sorry you're annoying them about the thing they're going to keep doing to you just because they enjoy it'.

Hopefully, for some reason, whatever is triggering the sister's behavior resolves itself and she has some real apologies when she realizes how she's been behaving. If she does. People are complicated. At 32 it could be a lot of things. One that crosses my mind is that is an age when some people start to really grasp as more than an abstract fact that growing old is an actual thing that will happen to them. Maybe she's having some kind of "those kind of dolls are too much for younger people and I will look immature" phase?

[Jobee]

Well, we had a bit of a breakthrough over Christmas. She finally realized how bad she was making me feel and is genuinely making an effort to listen when I talk about dolls she's not a fan of, and be respectful of the ones I have. She calls her dolls her "resin roommates" and she has remembered that my dolls are equally important to me as hers are to her.

[Kattriella]

Well, we had a bit of a breakthrough over Christmas. She finally realized how bad she was making me feel and is genuinely making an effort to listen when I talk about dolls she's not a fan of, and be respectful of the ones I have. She calls her dolls her "resin roommates" and she has remembered that my dolls are equally important to me as hers are to her.

I'm really glad that you've made progress. It really hurts when somebody is dismissive of your hobbies and passions.

[mollym]

I'm really sorry about your sister and how the situation is affecting your joy and relationship with her. I would hope this is something that blows over sooner than later. For a little while, when I started to collect as an adult, I only had BJDs and a few survivors from childhood. I think it was something to do with having a collection of something that was separate from childhood toys. Eventually, other types of dolls became more appealing and I just brought home what I liked and could afford. The variety is now really nice to have. Since I have so many different types, I have noticed that many, many collectors that like to discuss their hobby with others are really focused on one type or even brand of doll. It wasn't until becoming active on this forum that any other collector had ever shown any interest in any of my non-resin dolls. Before then, they were something I simply kept to myself.

I hope when it's easier to meet other collectors in person you can make some other connections and form friendships with people that can better relate and reciprocate your enthusiasm. Until then, I'm very thankful for all of us to be able to come here and discuss virtually any doll we have or admire.