Teh Suckz Thread

[magkelly]

I had a gal pal/roomie who used to do this, pretty much force other people on me almost every other day. At first it was a minor thing. She'd have a guy she was dating stay over for a night or invite a friend for a weekend, but then it got to where there were always people there, most of the them were people using something, and things started vanishing all the time. She'd be snarling at me asking where her stuff was and I'd be like "DUH, probably in the pocket of the stoner pal who you didn't half know but invited to stay with us last weekend." I don't know how you are about drugs yourself but this is not something you want. People on drugs just floating in and out, that you barely know all the time. Forget privacy issues, one of these days he's going to invite the wrong person home and there will be trouble. This guy is not the perfect boyfriend. He's a guy who sucks up to you when it's good for him and does what he wants the moment he thinks he can get away with it. This is passive aggressive mental abuse. Get away from him before it gets worse. No matter how much you love him. No car, no job, nothing is worth what might happen to you if this situation escalates. It doesn't get better. Not when drugs are involved.

[victoriavictrix]

I had a gal pal/roomie who used to do this, pretty much force other people on me almost every other day. At first it was a minor thing. She'd have a guy she was dating stay over for a night or invite a friend for a weekend, but then it got to where there were always people there, most of the them were people using something, and things started vanishing all the time. She'd be snarling at me asking where her stuff was and I'd be like "DUH, probably in the pocket of the stoner pal who you didn't half know but invited to stay with us last weekend." I don't know how you are about drugs yourself but this is not something you want. People on drugs just floating in and out, that you barely know all the time. Forget privacy issues, one of these days he's going to invite the wrong person home and there will be trouble. This guy is not the perfect boyfriend. He's a guy who sucks up to you when it's good for him and does what he wants the moment he thinks he can get away with it. This is passive aggressive mental abuse. Get away from him before it gets worse. No matter how much you love him. No car, no job, nothing is worth what might happen to you if this situation escalates. It doesn't get better. Not when drugs are involved.

Quoted For Truth

Find another introvert to room with. But Get Out. Otherwise one of these days you are going to come home, your apartment will be full of cops, your BF will be on the floor in handcuffs, and cops will be trashing your place and throwing all your belongings around. You think you have issues NOW, wait till you see them going through your room, throwing your dolls on the floor, making fun of them, or taking them apart looking for drugs inside. Then they confiscate EVERYTHING of value in the apartment and you never get it back. Drug cops are always looking for easy busts, and the FIRST thing they do when they bust someone is offer a "deal" if they turn someone in. Guess who your boyfriend's "friends" are going to turn in? YOU.

[Dirili]

Ug I don't even know what to tell you... it sucks when there's just ONE reaaaally big deal beaker in a relationship.

As far as the drugs, with my long term guy, I didn't think marajuana was such a big deal at the time, although his friends really were a bunch of idiots when they all got together drinking and smoking. But the longer he was friends with that group, the more he became like them. He had a bad habit of being easily influenced by others... picking up the habits and mannerisms of the people he spent time around. He got into harder drugs, he'd be drinking at work and buying beer and pot instead of paying his bills. He'd stay out all night drinking and doing drugs with his friends and even drive "buzzed" (although I suspect he was more than just buzzed half the time when he's driven). He became paranoid and verbally abusive with me by the time I ended things. The last 4 years of our relationship was me trying to stick by him and help him clean up, but I learned that you can't make someone when they don't want to, so I had to leave.

Not to say that Okami's situation is like mine at all, I know it's very different. That's just what I went through. It was a huge waste of a few years of my life.

[Swan]

It is NOT easy to leave a relationship. I know.

But sometimes it just *has* to be done. Particularly when there are drugs involved.

I will tell you that after walking out... there IS life at the other end of the tunnel. I walked out on an eight-year marriage. My husband was not a druggie, but he drank. He was the CHAMPION closet alcoholic. I didn't drink, but also did NOT marry to "change" him. We got along. Sort of. No major fights or anything, just... we got along.

Then one night he came home and during the conversation laid out detailed plans on how he was going to have me "disappear". "You don't see well. And accidents happen."

>SHUDDER<

Within th week I was OUT and gone! I gave up a house and all the furnishings, a secure future etc... but I kept the most important thing: my LIFE. What's more, I gained a relationship with a wonderful loving woman and we have been together now 28 years.

I COULD have wound up an unidentified corpse at the bottom of Mulholland Drive (both my ex AND his father kept guns in the house) but instead I am a happy, still living person with very little money but lots of love.

Swan

[OkamiKodomo]

Generally speaking, I don't mind pot. So long as it's not around me. He's not allowed to keep it in the house, he doesn't sell it, and in Florida, anything less than 20 grams is a misdemeanor. At best, it's a walking arrest: you're given a ticket, a court date, and a fine, and you go on your merry way. >_> One of my friends (that actually DOES respect how I feel about weed) has had it happen to her and her own boyfriend.

When I made him throw the roommates out last summer, I was indeed getting stolen from, because one of those roommates, that was never actually invited to live with us, and just gradually moved himself in, and I couldn't STAND, was one of those partiers, who did heavy drugs, and he would invite random people over despite my rule that no-one I didn't already know was allowed over. Nothing huge went missing; a piece of dollar store costume jewelry, a $10 flash drive, a packet of cheap hairties... but it always starts with little things, right? So he was the first one to go. That was a year ago, and he's been over to visit maybe three times. Such a travesty, right? Not.

[victoriavictrix]

Generally speaking, I don't mind pot. So long as it's not around me. He's not allowed to keep it in the house, he doesn't sell it, and in Florida, anything less than 20 grams is a misdemeanor. At best, it's a walking arrest: you're given a ticket, a court date, and a fine, and you go on your merry way. >_> One of my friends (that actually DOES respect how I feel about weed) has had it happen to her and her own boyfriend.

When I made him throw the roommates out last summer, I was indeed getting stolen from, because one of those roommates, that was never actually invited to live with us, and just gradually moved himself in, and I couldn't STAND, was one of those partiers, who did heavy drugs, and he would invite random people over despite my rule that no-one I didn't already know was allowed over. Nothing huge went missing; a piece of dollar store costume jewelry, a $10 flash drive, a packet of cheap hairties... but it always starts with little things, right? So he was the first one to go. That was a year ago, and he's been over to visit maybe three times. Such a travesty, right? Not.

Look, I cannot say this any plainer and I won't say anything but "I told you so" after this.

Laws are being changed to make things that were no more than misdemeanors into felonies. Case in point? A friend of mine is looking at a felony charge and 3 years in prison for accidentally spitting on an EMT. Not touching him, Accidentally spitting on him. AT BEST it is going to cost him $4000 from a SYMPATHETIC lawyer to get him off.

So do you have $4000 just lying around you can throw at a lawyer if you get in trouble? I thought not.

Druggie "friends" plant evidence to get you busted so that they can get a lighter sentence. Cops plant evidence so they can get a bigger bust. If you have cold or sinus medication lying around they can (and will) trump that up as being evidence of intent to manufacture meth. When it comes to drugs, if it CAN go wrong it WILL go wrong and you can just thank God that until now you have dodged that particular bullet.

LEAVE HIM. Or be prepared to have your life ruined at any moment.

[Dirili]

omg! Good for you Swan. Telling you about plans to kill you is a pretty damn good clear sign that you need to get out right away.

The stealing... ug, I've had his friends take a hand full of music CDs and some games when they visited. Once he lent one of my favorite games to someone without asking me and then he REFUSED to go get it back from the guy :/

[OkamiKodomo]

VV, I really do understand what you're saying, and it's advice and wisdom offered from your own personal experiences. I'm grateful for it, and I've been thinking about it.

I do think a bit of frustrated, exhausted ranting did get blown out of proportion, and that's entirely my fault. My life isn't in danger, (yikes) and the thieving "friend" has been gone for a year. The one that's been hanging around lately is still a friend, though less mine and more my fiance's, and hasn't been over since that whole "you're lucky" comment, and my subsequent silent treatment. My fiance is childish, yes, and passive aggressive. However, he's not abusive, he's never raised his hand to me, and he's not an alcoholic, nor does he do any other drugs, unless you count regular cigarettes. He doesn't spend the money for bills on weed, and he was actually the one supporting me for the first three years we lived down here, and then for the one year between my graphics design job, and the sales job I have now, while I was just doing oddball commissions to earn some spending money for myself. Generally speaking, once I forbid someone from entering my house, they don't come inside. The butthead that's been hanging around is not one of those banned individuals. I am just working a really long "week" at work, because of yet another of my manager's business trips, and had specifically asked that we had NO visitors until it was over, and I have been getting increasingly frustrated with the smell of smoke.

I've adopted a passive-aggressive tactic of my own, in that I've deliberately moved one of my dolls to my desk, so that if he lights up, I can demand that he puts it out, as he is well aware of the "no smoke while my dolls are downstairs" rule. And if he asks me to put her upstairs, then I will tell him he has to do it. He's creeped out by carrying my dolls, and so he always refuses.

[Trethowan]

To prove VV's point, I just found out my friend's dad lost his MD license because a guy leasing half of his house was growing weed in a walk in closet. He's now working as a health director at a resort in Hawaii.

[knittnkitten]

soo... they are testing my mom for lung cancer and see if her cancer has reoccured.