New Suxs Thread

[Kae915]

Oh my gosh, its taking every bit of self control I have right now to not explode into a fit of rage. So my wife is sitting down watching her Korean Dramas on netflix and I'm on the computer listening to music. So she gets up and says that she is going to bed since i don't want to spend time with her. I tell her that isn't true, just that I don't want to see those shows. So she gets mad, I tell her just to go to bed and she makes a big fuss whether or not I'm going to bed soon. I tell her Ill go when I am ready. That is not good enough, so she rips the surge protector from the will with a rather large smile on her face. Now the computer is dead and i know she is satisfied that she got some form of retribution for not paying attention to her. This is where things get really bad. I don't give in to her manipulation. I grabbed my iPod, tell her to go to bed and continue listening to music. So now, she is a pissed bitch. She goes to our room, and throws my Iplehouse Luna on the ground, breaking her fingers and part of her thigh Joints.
It takes every bit of strength not to lash out. I am so mad right now, but at the same time i feel like I want to cry in desperation. Ive gone through so much with my wife, trying to convince her how much i love her, how much she means to me, but she wont believe it. I write her poems, I clean the house for her, cook for her, provide for her, try to listen to everything that bothers her, I want to just be the best father and husband i can. But the truth is, I cant. She will always have such a low opinion of herself, that she will project her feelings on to others; thinking we feel the same way about her as she feels about herself. This is sickness, and I am tired of all the hurt. I have never hurt her or ruined her things, yet this is the retribution I receive.
I know its a strange hobby, I know its weird to buy dolls and want them to look beautiful. Especially being a guy. It isn't something people understand. I don't have a strong support base in my family. My father belittles my hobby and my wife hates that I enjoy something that doesn't involve her. My mom is gone, not that she would be much consolation. Goddamn, maybe I should just give up the hobby.
It hurts because I want to find something to love. I want to find someone who wont squat on what I hold dear.

I'm sorry to hear that. That sounds chaotic and stressful and you are serious strong to be able to put up with all of that as well as you are. I don't know you but I just wanna give you a hug =(

[DollyKim]

Can't find Sixlets in my area and it's #$@! EASTER!!!

That should be illegal. My Walmart carries Sixlets all year - check in the regular bag candy section.

dafrigg is a sixlet?

Little candy coated balls of chocolatey goodness, imagine round MnMs with a malt like flavor.

@Calivano Attacking your possessions isn't a good sign in any relationship. You might want to seek advice from someone who deals with relationships on how to best deal with the situation. My grandmother would break or hide things so I feel for you.

[quidam]

Calivano- is marriage counseling in the question? Because it sounds like her respecting your hobby is the least of the issues here. Sometimes a professional is what is needed to work things out.
Also, we tend to focus on women being abused in our society, an d forget it can go the other way. The fact that she's starting to break your things is a bad sign and is something that can escalate. For you and your children's sakes: if it does get further past this point please, please get help. Keep in mind that an abusive spouse not only can turn on the children, but is also teaching those children by their example.

I wish you luck and am praying for you.

[ShortNCuddlyAm]

Goddamn, maybe I should just give up the hobby.
It hurts because I want to find something to love. I want to find someone who wont squat on what I hold dear.

Giving up on something you enjoy to try and appease someone else will not help. It may well not be enough for your wife, and in the end it will be something else that comes between you.

I would second what Quidam suggested about getting some kind of marriage counselling. I would also suggest that your wife needs some kind of counselling or therapy to help with her low self esteem.

And if things don't improve, if it were me, I'd seriously consider leaving. Life's too short to spend with someone who belittles you, and is unpredictable and aggressive.

[Stormlight]

I have to agree. ANY spousal abuse - whether coming from a husband or wife - is just wrong. And if there are children involved, for their sakes if nothing else, seeking professional help seems the best way to go. Your wife definitely sounds like she needs professional help.

[Qrinta]

Goodness that is terrible. o.o Will be praying for you as well that is not ok.

Frustrated on my parents behalf. I have determined that owning your own business sucks just from seeing what my mom has to put up with from our retailers. Namely Walmart. Walmart is evil and just trying to rip us off. They just ordered forty eight boats at last years pricing even though we keep telling them they need to use the new pricing. They are constantly trying to undersell our other vendors by ignoring our minimum retail price requirement and to top it all off they haven't payed for product they are selling to customers already and were trying to get this new order shipped by next week. We need at least 90 days lead time to get things ready and because they haven't payed for what they already have we're counting pennies trying to order materials for the new orders. Blegh. ><

[Trethowan]

Oh my gosh, its taking every bit of self control I have right now to not explode into a fit of rage. So my wife is sitting down watching her Korean Dramas on netflix and I'm on the computer listening to music. So she gets up and says that she is going to bed since i don't want to spend time with her. I tell her that isn't true, just that I don't want to see those shows. So she gets mad, I tell her just to go to bed and she makes a big fuss whether or not I'm going to bed soon. I tell her Ill go when I am ready. That is not good enough, so she rips the surge protector from the will with a rather large smile on her face. Now the computer is dead and i know she is satisfied that she got some form of retribution for not paying attention to her. This is where things get really bad. I don't give in to her manipulation. I grabbed my iPod, tell her to go to bed and continue listening to music. So now, she is a pissed bitch. She goes to our room, and throws my Iplehouse Luna on the ground, breaking her fingers and part of her thigh Joints.
It takes every bit of strength not to lash out. I am so mad right now, but at the same time i feel like I want to cry in desperation. Ive gone through so much with my wife, trying to convince her how much i love her, how much she means to me, but she wont believe it. I write her poems, I clean the house for her, cook for her, provide for her, try to listen to everything that bothers her, I want to just be the best father and husband i can. But the truth is, I cant. She will always have such a low opinion of herself, that she will project her feelings on to others; thinking we feel the same way about her as she feels about herself. This is sickness, and I am tired of all the hurt. I have never hurt her or ruined her things, yet this is the retribution I receive.
I know its a strange hobby, I know its weird to buy dolls and want them to look beautiful. Especially being a guy. It isn't something people understand. I don't have a strong support base in my family. My father belittles my hobby and my wife hates that I enjoy something that doesn't involve her. My mom is gone, not that she would be much consolation. Goddamn, maybe I should just give up the hobby.
It hurts because I want to find something to love. I want to find someone who wont squat on what I hold dear.

Damn. That's awful. It's good to not give in to that kind of manipulation. How is it your fault for not spending time with her when she's watching TV anyway? Definitely unfair. Is going to a counselor something she'd be open to?

[OkamiKodomo]

Oh my god, Calivano, that's horrible. I am going to second and third and fourth the suggestions. If it isn't already too late, see about getting professional help, especially for your wife. Damaging someone's possessions intentionally is a sign of major problems. It doesn't matter if your hobby is an unusual one for a guy to have, there is NEVER a reason for someone to become violent like that. If you would like to PM me, honey, feel free. I've been through something similar, and so has my girlfriend, and if you need someone to talk to, I'll gladly listen. But please please PLEASE do not ever give up something you enjoy that is HARMLESS just to appease someone. I speak from personal experience in that it will never do ANY good, and all that will happen is that you will become resentful, and unhappy. Please try to keep in mind it is not anything to do with the fact that you enjoy collecting dolls, and everything to do with your wife's own personal problems. If you collected model cars or trains, she would have destroyed those instead. I tried to give up the things that made me happy, for my ex, and it did not go well. I ended up wasting the better part of five years trying to make him happy by sacrificing things I liked to do, before I finally left him. I do not wish that sort of pain on anyone.

If your wife refuses therapy, I too, would suggest you start considering a separation, at the very least a trial separation.

And Qrinta, have your parents considered a lawsuit? Do they have a contract with them stating that Walmart must sell the merchandise no lower than that price? Have they considered declining the orders until they are paid in full?

[Calivano]

Thanks guys, Im going to counseling with her this week. Enough is enough. I appreciate the advice and kind words.
Poor Lunas hand is broken and her thigh is chipped. She said she would
replace her, but she made a fuss that it cost so much and she wasnt going
to spend that much on a stupid doll. That led into the redundant argument
about dolls costing too much, et cetera, et cetera, ad nauseum. So
she grudgingly agreed to make payments until the doll is replaced. I
wish Iple could sell parts, but aside from the hands and the occasional
head on their auction sales, they dont. so she agreed to replace her.
She probably wont pull though, but we will discuss that in therapy. Today I
did lots of yardwork to blow off steam, which helped, but its these silent
lonely nights that end up being the hardest. Even the girls sense it.
No eye contact, just forlorn; resentful stares piercing through walls but never
upon each other. I guess I just have to man up and get over it. Thanks again guys.

[Siead]

calivano, many many hugs. one of my partners is going through a pretty similar rough spot right now (with another one of his partners... not me... damn poly requires too many footnotes).
sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, they just are not happy unless they feel like they have power over you. if she thinks destroying your stuff over something as simple as not liking the same TV shows, or being able to telepathically read her mind that she wants some attention, then it will probably only get worse as time goes on.
also, please please make sure that, when you visit a counselor, that they listen to what you say as well as her. i've heard from a few people going through this that they tend to take the woman's side, especially if the guy is a hobbyist. if need be, switch counselors until you find one you are comfortable with, or see one seperatly as well.

never ever feel like you have to man up and get over it. if you start trying to ignore what she does, things may escalate further. that could be very bad, since you have kids. not that she might hurt them, but she may manipulate them against you.
stay safe. and do what's best for your own sanity.