by Swan » Sun Feb 21, 2016 8:03 pm
Ahhhhh yes! Dealing with folks over the phone!
Me: Hello, this is Swan from XXX Photocopy Service, and we would like to copy the medical records of John Q. Doe, treated by Dr. Joseph X. Blow on such and such a date, with regard to the legal proceedings Doe v. Smith. Do you have the medical records of John Q. Doe available?"
Her: ""John Q. Doe? ... no, we never treated that patient here."
Me: "I see. Would you like to sign a Certificate of No Record, stating that you have made a thorough search and are unable to produce records due to the patient not being treated at your facility?"
Her: No, we cannot do that. We never treated him here."
Me: Ma'am, a certificate of No Record can be issued that *states* that Mr. Doe was *not* treated at your facility. Can you sign it?"
Her: "No. He was not treated here."
Lather, rinse, repeat!
Or
Me: Hello, this is Swan from XXX Photocopy Service, and we would like to copy the medical records of John Public, treated by Dr. Robert Y. Blow on such and such a date, with regard to the legal proceedings Jones v. Public. Do you have the medical records of John Public available?"
Her "No, we don't. They are with the doctor."
Me: "I see. Is he out of town?"
Her "No, Doctor Y is deceased."
Me "......... Soooo... the doctor has someone who is Custodian of records? We can get them from his estate or a custodian or co-practitioner, if that's - "
Her: "No, you don't understand... the records are with the Doctor."
Me: "You mean they are... *buried* with him?!"
Her: "No... but he has them."
Cue Twilight Zone theme!
Swan
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." -- Arthur C. Clarke, "Profiles of The Future", 1961 (Clarke's third law)