For the things that never make any sense! XD

[quidam]

Oddly, my mother has Facebook and I don't!
I used to and she was on my friends list. Thankfully, I have a very supportive, awesome mother. Reading some of the responses here make me realize how lucky I am! (not to say that she never annoys me! )

[OkamiKodomo]

@Treth: yeah, I've had more than one blow-out with her over silly stuff, and when she gets to the point that she won't let me get a word in edgewise, and keeps screaming over me, I'll say, in a normal speaking voice, "I'm sorry you're angry, but I'm hanging up the phone now. I'll talk to you when you've calmed down." whether she hears me or not, and then I do exactly that. The first few times it happened, I picked up the phone when she called me back, and she immediately continued screaming, so I hung up again, and then turned off the ringer, til she stopped trying to call. She'd leave me angry/disappointed voicemails, which I'd delete without listening to, and send me angry/disappointed texts and emails, which I wouldn't read, or if I did, I would skim, and not reply to. After a few days, she pretends nothing ever happened. It's definitely a pattern, which she inherited from her mother, and I've done the best I can to break the chain. If I'm angry at someone, I just stop talking to them, rather than try to beat it into their head that I'm angry. Ignoring someone might not be the most mature response, but it's better than screaming matches.

[Trethowan]

I think ignoring screaming behaviour is a perfectly valid and mature response. One simply doesn't respond to such things. We respond when the discourse is civil.

Now, it's not to say I can't be a snarky "b" from time to time.

[OkamiKodomo]

Hehehe well I feel better now. I usually feel guilty for hanging up on, and ignoring my mother. But I have enough stress in my life. I don't need her issues with the things I find amusing on top of it, lol~

[Alopecia No Hime]

I got my mom to give me more chores to earn more money to save up for my Mei....Now that it's been secured and that I'll do it the previously silent tomboy elf in my head has now been chattering on and on about how she's most definietly white skin, if she doesn't come with a specific eye color to save up for Hujoo eyes to replace them. That she's an elemental who's hair color changes with the season's and that she likes to wear ripped up jeans and demands I learn to make fingerless gloves for her....

Ho boy...I opened a pandora's box...now if only this little elf would tell me her name...And to stop demanding fake leather.

[happyknot]

I just found out that my mom doesn't believe the Evolution Theory because she assumes it means we've evolved from Shrimp. /facepalm

[Kirahfaye]

Trethowan, that was such a fantastic discourse that I want to copy and paste it . . . to my Facebook! I know a lot of people who could benefit from reading that!

[DollyKim]

I feel better knowing I'm not the only one with a childish smother. I've been able to disarm much of her manipulating to a degree. Since my TBI and the personality shift which includes no more Fs for things she's all but obsessed with it's been different any way.

I don't think we evolved from shrimp. The best I can figure is we all started from the primordial soup and quite early shrimp went down the 'things with shells' road and we went the way of 'things with thumbs'. I need to read my copy of this again http://www.amazon.com/Mutants-Genetic-V ... 541&sr=1-1 It makes you think about how easy it is for "mistakes" to happen with our genes and thus genetic variation.

[Trethowan]

Trethowan, that was such a fantastic discourse that I want to copy and paste it . . . to my Facebook! I know a lot of people who could benefit from reading that!

haha... do you guys want to hear about my no excuses life philosophy next? haha... teasing. *waxes poetic*

Seriously though, it does help. Just because a person spawns a child doesn't make them magically mature. As children age they should be pushed out of the nest and encouraged to make their own choices and decisions for their lives but some parents want to clamp down on control, unwilling or unable to change alongside their child. A lot of that spawns from pride I think. An unwillingness to back off and let the young adult flourish, an unwillingness to give up control, or clinging to the notion of being THE authority. The parenting style that worked so great for the nine year old isn't working the same for the 15 year old and certainly not a 25 year old or more. Or some parents like to live vicariously through their kids and the only way to do that is to push the kids into doing 'what they wish they did when they were little.' (not a new concept, it's old and cliche really.) Toddlers and Tiaras anyone?

Like my dad always says, "you'll always be my little girl." That's fine, BUT if one takes "you'll always be my little girl" to the extreme it becomes "I'll always treat you like my little girl," and that spells trouble for any young adult seeking independence and autonomy. When the 'little girl' pulls away the controlling parent clamps down. They might seek to manipulate, bait the child into doing what they want, resort to anger and in extreme cases even violence. With me it was squelching any potential desire to leave town. "You don't want to do that, you'll be all alone with nobody to help or visit you." (translate: If you move we're not coming to see you.) "If you go away for college I'm selling your horse." Well, that's the next stage, outright demands and anger.

There is a fine line, a delicate balance, between parental advice and meddling. Here is a silly example from my young-adult days after having bought my first house. There is "I think pastels would look better on your wall," and then there is, "You'll never sell your house if you paint a darker color." Obviously my parents (whom I love very much) quickly delved into meddling and control. And I ended up painting pastels. I hate pastels and for two years I stared at a pale green wall in my office that I'd wanted to be the bedroom. Miserable. Why did I let them talk me into this again??? Why do I always cave in? First step, awareness. Analysis. Introspection. How do I avoid this in the future? I had some ideas and I was determined to have my way. I mean, come on. It's paint. It isn't like I'm being selfish or demanding here, I just wanted a plum bedroom with a fireplace. Why should the office get the cool fireplace? I was the one paying the mortgage, not them. Let's try this thing. Pumped up I said I was having a painting party. Any who wish to come can help redecorate my house. I invited them on purpose. Waahahaa...

Insert parental statements. "Your house is so pretty like it is." They offered to buy me paint again, in a different bright color. Upon refusing said pastel THEN the statements morph to, "Well, your room is going to look really bad. People will make fun of it behind your back." (an appeal to potential shame.) and following it, "You're wasting a lot of money, paint is expensive." (appeal to finances.) The painting begins! Rich plum is slathered over pale green (pretty sure it was a Martha Stewart color mom bought at k-mart on my behalf). I painted my green office turned bedroom an insanely dark rich plum and I trimmed my lavender bedroom in a dark industrial grey and took the curtains off the walls to give it an office-ish effect.

"No curtains will look bad, you need curtains to hold in the heat." "It's going to look like Barney the Dinosaur in there, yuk yuk yuk." "I can't believe you're doing this." "This is going to look terrible." My responses are a practiced, "This is my house and this is the way I want to paint it. I've always wanted to do this. I wish I did this the first time I painted the house. I really like this color. This is what I've chosen." Like a broken record baby. And to illustrate the point, I was terrified. My mouth went dry half the time I would respond like this. I used to be a hard-core people pleaser with the traditional servant's heart. It was really hard for a passive kid like me to stand up for myself. So I'm pointing out that you're going to feel fear. This will push you out of your comfort zone.

Once the final coat was painted they said, "Oh. Well. I guess it's not so bad after all." Victory!!! Silly example but I pushed forward with what I wanted and ignored the nay-saying. Once defeated they resigned themselves to saying something nice. I was filled with a surge of confidence and happiness at having finally made a choice for myself. Oh glorious day. I thought, 'huh, that wasn't so bad. What else can I do for myself?"

I love my parents very much. I just have to be aware of tendencies. They think their way is always right and everyone else is an idiot. /sigh

[Yanagi-sen]

I'm still so glad that once we got into college... my mom basically just stayed OUT of our educational life (except to make sure we GOT one) and let us make our own choices and mistakes. She was sympathetic and supportive but butted out; and I'm so glad for that. Even when I sprung the... oh btw... I've been accepted into the JET program and I'm moving to Japan, she was probably concerned and worried but never once did she say I shouldn't do it. In fact my mother and sister had plane tickets to come visit me at Xmas before I even knew what school I was going to be in! She equally wasn't thrilled with my back up plan when I lost my job last year (moving in with Kiki-chan in PR), but she wouldn't have said I couldn't do it. As it ended up I found the ONLY art job in the area and didn't have to move, but she would never dream of telling me how to live my life. I have a great mom!