Teh Suckz Thread

[OkamiKodomo]

This is really more of a rant.... read at your own risk. Kinda annoyed at my friend right now

The friend that originally got me into dolls, right? I do all her dolls' aesthetic work for free. She has 8 of them. I did all their face-ups, re-did several of them as my skills improved, and quite a few of them have body-blushing, or other full-body work, such as dye jobs. I've never charged her a dime. I was happy to do it, because she's my friend. I've sold her my resin cast-offs for less than I paid for them, even though they were in the exact same condition I purchased them in. I bought a ResinSoul Ming on DoA, with broken fingers. I paid $90 plus a pair of $40 urethane eyes. I was intending to dye him, but after the dye refused to take on the broken hands, I decided to sell him. I told her I'd sell him for $120 if I had to replace the hands for her, or $100 if she replaced them herself. She was ordering a doll from RS direct, so she opted to pay $100, and add the hands ($12) to her order. I sold her Rune's old single-jointed body for $80, and the Li head that came with Vorelvaeri's body for $25. Both were still in pristine condition. I bought her a MH Ghoulia doll just because she wanted it, and I wanted to do something nice for her, now that I've got a good job. Gave her the purple MH CAM torso that came in my 5-pack from Mattel for free, because I didn't need it. Given her glass eyes from the grab-bags I like to buy, instead of selling them. I have never expected anything in repayment. I don't ask her for anything, I don't lord it over her head. I'd like to think if she was in the same position, she'd do the same for me.

I asked her just now if her order was still being produced. It was... so I asked her if she could add a pair of high heeled feet for my boy Dai on there. I wasn't asking her to buy them; I paid her the $15 they cost. But then she asked me to reimburse her $5 towards the shipping cost. I'm kinda like.... seriously? She goes "yeah and it would have costed you $25 shipping from ResinSoul if you order them yourself." ...as if I'd order the feet from RS direct. I'd get them from DenverDoll. It didn't change the cost of her order, and after all the favors and work I've done for her, and never asked her for so much as to cover cost of supplies.... MSC and ZM spray isn't cheap yo. I've even re-done three dolls for her. Her AoD Chi has had 3 different face-ups by my hand, her DZ Cho has had 2 face-ups, and her AoD Hun Dong has had a MAJOR body blush by me, and then was stripped down and re-done.

And she wants to drag a lousy five bucks out of me for adding a pair of feet to an order she already paid for. Had it changed the cost of her shipping even a penny, I would've gladly reimbursed her for it. If I was ordering a few things, then even if it hadn't changed the price, I would've gladly split shipping with her. I feel awful going 'After all I've done for you?' but it's exactly what's going through my mind.

I don't mind doing nice things for her, because it's just money yanno? I have a job that pays good. I don't mind spoiling my friends a bit... But when she said that, especially the bit about 'it would have cost you $25 to ship them yourself' it makes me angry and sad. AND!! She just expects me to keep doing her aesthetic work for her. The brand new doll she ordered? She got her blank, because it's expected that I'll do her face-up. Didn't even ask me, just assumed.

[Lamia of the Dark]

OkamiKodomo, that is a crappy thing to do to a friend and you would be COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED in lording it over her that you do all this stuff for her and she gives you sh*t about the single simple favor you ask of her.

[magkelly]

Next time she hands you a doll for a face up job just hand it back to her. Don't let her walk all over you. Being a good friend doesn't mean doing everything for someone just because they expect it. I've had several so called friends like this in the past few years. It took me a while but I finally got that being a friend usually goes both ways.

The one woman hardly ever talked to me towards the end unless she wanted some info or a favor. So long as I was helping her out we were totally friends. The moment I said "no" to her on something she couldn't be bothered. The irony is the last time I talked to her I was trying to help her out, send business her way. She couldn't be bothered to talk to me so she lost out to the tune of $300 probably. The sad part is I almost called her back even though she was utterly rude to me. To give her the info anyway. But in the end I stopped myself. I decided it just wasn't worth it and that she just didn't deserve the favor I was trying to do her.

Same thing with the other one. She was a real peach that woman actually. She was always borrowing off me and never returning the favor. She even tried to get me to pay her bridge fare at one point because she was coming up to see me which was true but she never just saw me. She did something there before she met me usually. Still would have made the drive even if I had not. She just wanted me to pay for her tolls.

The last straw for me on that one was when she promised to spend my birthday day with me. This was planned for months. I met her for hers. I gave her a nice gift then we went and did special stuff most of which I paid for. On mine I was supposed to spend the day with her do lunch, and a museum, then go to meet some other friends for dinner. She let me think we were going only to get there, insist up grabbing a quick lunch around the corner, and that was it. She handed me a $2 card and some stupid little $5 holy land relics package thing she'd obviously bought up at church about five minutes before we met wished me a happy one then took off.

People like that they don't know how to be real friends. They just use you till they're done or till you wise up and call a halt to their bull. You don't have to be mean but I just wouldn't make myself so available to help in future. You stop giving her everything she wants and I'll just bet she'll drop you flat. You deserve better....

[Kirahfaye]

OK - I hate to say it but your friend is, in a manner of speaking, abusing you. It might not be physical, but she is using your feeling of friendship toward her against you. She's dangling her interaction with you in front of you as bait to get you to do what she wants.

Friendships waft and wane through life. Sometimes they end. It's usually sad, but there is no reason you should allow someone to walk on your heart and feelings just to try to keep the friendship that obviously isn't there anymore - at least for her.

Did you agree to pay the shipping or tell her never mind? You should tell her how you feel about her requiring payment for shipping. But here's one clue - if you don't feel you can admit to her that it hurt your feelings (for whatever reason), then the friendship is already gone.

[OkamiKodomo]

I actually asked her "Seriously? Did it change your shipping cost?" and when she said no, that's when she said that lovely line about it running me so much more had I done it myself. So then I said "Well, I guess the $8 difference between how much you saved buying the hands yourself for the Ming should about cover my share of the shipping cost." Because as I mentioned, I wanted $120 for the Ming if I replaced the hands, and $100 if she bought them herself, and the hands were $12. Then she goes "Ha ha just kidding. Jeez Ika lighten up." And I'm kinda like um... no? It wasn't funny, and I know you weren't joking, because I know you. The irony is, her behavior is the exact thing she bitches about her sister and her other friend doing; expecting all these favors and never once reimbursing her for them. I always reimburse my friends when they go out of their way for me. I needed her to help me get my new desk home and in the house. She helped me clean too. So I gave her ten bucks for gas, and bought her lunch at burger king.

The real kicker? She couldn't even use her own paypal for the order, because it's locked. So she had our other friend place the order with her paypal, and gave her the cash.

[Greyhaunt]

yea, I had a friend like that in Texas. She is handicapped so I used to do all the driving around when we got together. She was also broke so I always bought food for lunch when we went out because I knew she had no money and I had a good enough job. Sometimes I'd pick up a book or something for her and she'd say "I'll pay you back" but she never did and I didn't sweat it...at first. Then it got to where I'd be ordering off the $1 menu and she was ordering the delux combo meals, then she'd ask if I'd buy her husband some food (because we were on the way to the anime group and he would be there) and she'd get him the delux meal as well. THEN one day she calls to see if I'm going and would I pick her up at the bookstore and I was like...no, I don't feel like it this week. Immediately she gets all pissy with me and literally said "Well how am I supposed to get there?" that's when I really decided I wasn't really her friend, I was her chauffuer and pocketbook and I wasn't going to do it anymore. Pretty much have never spoken to her since.

I love to help friends, and my real friends know that if they are in need and I can help, then I will - but I draw the line at being taken advantage of and that's what it sounds like your friend is doing to you. She no longer appreciates the kindness you do - she's come to expect it and that's not right.

[OkamiKodomo]

That's how I'm beginning to feel. I told her that I would do her dolls' face-ups for free because I enjoy doing it, and because she "got me into the hobby"... but when I think about it, I was always intrigued by BJD and had one picked out that I liked, but never really made the plunge. Then I got to see the dolls in person, and they directed me to Featherfall, where I found and fell in love with RS Jun. I don't remember how I found The Junky Spot but once I did, I was off and running on my own steam. So I have to wonder, if I had ever seen one on my own at a convention, would I have even needed the extra push? I really do feel kinda used and abused, but if I go back on my word, that makes me look like the turd. When I made the offer, she only had 3 dolls. She's manage to somehow get 5 more in a year's time, without having a job, or any real marketable skills. I'm kinda scratching my head over that one.

[Trethowan]

Ugh. First off it sounds like your faux-friend is a selfish and greedy person. My first impression is to drop 'em. In general manipulators have to be dealt with with a firm hand. If you don't drop her all together, I'd enact the "tough love" approach and be wary of any future financial involvement. No more faceups, no more favors, no more good deals on dolls. If she can't afford it then she can work more hours or save more cash. It's not your job to float her hobby. That money could be going to savings, retirement, or your own future dolls.

Due to past experiences in my own life I don't like to be financially entangled with anyone, ever, for any reason. I don't owe anyone anything and nobody owes me anything. If I give I don't expect anything in return, if I'm given something I don't feel obligated to give anything in return. Being beholden to a person like that, in my mind, is a form of slavery. If we're bound to people either in debt of money or deed then the relationship is unhealthy.

I think that unspoken expectations of reciprocation can really cause havoc in relationships, too. I may not think I owe anyone anything but the other person might think I owe them something for something they've done for me. It's always good to be up front about stuff like that, it heads manipulators off before they can dig their claws in. Manipulators give so that they can control and take because they're users. It's really a terrible situation to be friends with either end of the manipulator spectrum. I've had friends try to give me things all the time to control me, and I've had people use me for my kindness. None of those people are my friends anymore. Well, they were never truly friends to begin with.

Crap like that destroys relationships. The good thing though is that it weeds out the chaff. By their behaviour we know the users and abusers. I'm all for dropping dead weight. If your friend isn't a quality friend I say drop 'em like the proverbial hot potato and move on. You don't need the stress and shouldn't have to take the financial losses.

[yarwel]

Minor Suck:
I had a chemistry lab "practical" today. This is basically a test, you get no help; and if you mess up the teacher can't tell you. Also, you have to do all the calculations in the lab, and time is limited. Anyways, as I going to say, I ended up wasting twenty minutes of my precious lab time because someone changed the lock on my drawer. As a consequence, I ended up having to rush through portions of the experiment so my results were not as exact as they probably should have been. What I want to know is, WHO CHANGES THE LOCK ON SOMEONE ELSE'S DRAWER?! This does not make any sense to me and is really frustrating.

Perla,
My uncle's girlfriend works for toyota and has been on many business trips to Japan; she has a good salary and gets a new car almost every year. She even has enough extra cash to collect lower-end antique paintings. When your dad get's angry about your interest in Japan you could maybe try appealing to his reason by explaining that have knowledge of Japanese language and culture could help you get a well paying job in the future. Just a thought.

[OkamiKodomo]

I don't think she owes it to me at all, I really just thought I was just asking her a small favor. She didn't have to go out of her way for me, and it was no extra expense to her. Blah how do I keep getting mixed up with people like this?

-pats Yarwel- That really is kinda ridonculous. Who would do that, and why?